Who are we desiring?

I have noticed this in my life as well, so I know this has to be right on!

We complain and complain that things don't go the way we want them to in our lives. We don't have the right 'things' or 'people' in our lives. We forget that we have made the choices to bring the 'things' and 'people' in our lives to begin with. We blame God because He hasn't answered our prayers to bring what we want in our lives to us.

The truth of the matter is .... He gives us the desires of our hearts. He is our Father in Heaven. He wants what is best for us, YES, but He wants to give us what we want as well. Now, if what we want is drugs, or relationships that is going to destroy us, well, maybe He will direct us to show us that we really don't want those things after all. But what I mean is, I have seen this in my very own life. . . I have prayed countless times .... Lord, help me change ..... because I want ... blah, blah, blah. (NOT ... Lord help me change because I want to please you.) I want to please Him from now on. I really do. I saw on an acquaintance's myspace page how she really messed up and the 'love of her life' doesn't want her anymore, so now she is going to do anything she can to get him back, which means, she has to turn to God. That doesn't mean she has realized she needs to change because God has shown her this realization. She just knows that he isn't going to take her back unless he sees a change in her. The Holy Spirit is probably speaking to him and telling him, this is probably not the girl for you, dude. Which I would agree. That doesn't discount the girl. Jesus loves her just as much! But my heart breaks for the girl, because she has yet to hit the bottom of the barrel. What she thinks the end of her life is this boy not loving her. She has yet to find 'her' and what she has seen of herself, she is not satisfied with. She needs Jesus desperately and deeply. When I think of the song "Hungry," I think of this girl, and I see her one day on her face weeping, singing this song to Him:

Hungry I come to You
For I know You satisfy
I am empty
But I know
Your love does not run dry
So I wait for You
So I wait for You
I'm falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus You're all this heart is living for
Broken I run to You
For Your arms are open wide
I am weary but I know
Your touch restores my life
So I wait for You
So I wait for You

I'm praying for you Kayley!
I'm praying that you will one day realize that Jesus is the one you need to fall in love with and He is the one that you need more than air, more than the next heartbeat!

Been a while, I know!

Just touching base! I know it has been a little while. I have a been debating on what and when to really blog on here. There are many things I want to say and to blog about. Many things that God is talking to me about.

I want to write in my journal, everything just seems so 'personal' and I don't know really what is for me to hear, to receive, to share. There are things that I know I can share with my close friends who love Jesus, you know, my prayer partners, there are a few christian ladies out there that I share just about everything with. There are a select few that I don't hide much from. You know who you are. And there is one that knows EVERYTHING. Things that I'm not even aware of. There are things that He shows me that is sometimes so private, so personal, that can't be shared, not because I do not want these things shared, but because it feels like I am uncovering something that shouldn't be uncovered or maybe it is out of shame. Almost like bearing your soul and you are afraid that those who see what is uncovered, will run away. I know that Jesus only uncovers these things in us to show us that He knows us inside out and that He isn't afraid of what is inside us, that He loved us before we knew of these things, before we even knew we were sinners, loved us while we were sinners. He doesn't want to leave us the way we are.

I know there are things that are private, between my Lord and I, and I am finding that those things are more than I realized. I am amazed, because I am the type of person that wears her heart on her sleeve, so to speak. I always speak what is on my heart and you will always know what is on my mind. It is not a normal thing for me to keep things hidden. I don't want them to be hidden, and they are not hidden from God. I guess I am just not ready for the world to see them.

I know at this point, my blogs are more personal, I haven't told anyone I have this blog. I haven't shared this website with any friends, and not that I don't plan to, I just hadn't really gotten into the habit, yet, of writing. I know God is wanting to use this blog. I know He has big plans for me. I can't wait to see what He has for me!! Until then, I pray that I allow God to open me up more and more to His presence. I pray that I will experience more and more of HIM!

I love you Jesus! No matter what, no matter who is in my life, you are the most important thing! You HAVE TO BE!!!